so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
