SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she peed on how many people?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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