im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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