My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
