i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize