I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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