Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
