Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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