I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
