We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
