The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want to make out with him forever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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