just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
