I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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