only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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