before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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