it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
