ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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