Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you made out with another girl for some wings
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
