The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
