Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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