Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
