woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
