I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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