I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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