I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
