:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
