It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
