Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
