Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
