i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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