She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
