Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
