Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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