No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
