Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
