I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
