walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
