Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina just clenched in fear
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