dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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