She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
