Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
