i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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