dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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