I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
