I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
