roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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