I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
