He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
