I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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