Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
