My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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