We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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