threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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