I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
