States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
