forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
