And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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