fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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