every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
