Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i drank out of a bidet.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
