You're completely useless in the revolution.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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