I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
