if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
