Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
