Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
