we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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