Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
