i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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