i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
