Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
