I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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