Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
