It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
