She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
