You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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